You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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