Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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