You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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