Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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