I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
