I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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