Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
