Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
