I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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