Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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