No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We are two peas in an std pod
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
