I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We don't watch enough power rangers
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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