i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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