matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
