I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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