We need to rekindle our bromance
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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