the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
