Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
