wrigley field is MILF paradise
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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