i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So much Jack, so little girl.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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