I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Two words: nipple clamps
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