i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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