My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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