She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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