So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
