I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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