this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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