The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
