I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
