Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
