I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
