I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Ladies don't puke and tell
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
