Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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