ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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