its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
