That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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