Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
