i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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