The maid of honor just puked.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
BRING THE BAGELS
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
