Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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