How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
