Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
