I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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