i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
