Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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