it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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