It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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