I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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