Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
