ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
